I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
