Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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