You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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