'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
