Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
