We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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