he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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