I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The struggles of a small town man whore
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
