another moral hangover. fuck.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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