It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
