I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
