I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
