I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
we should paint friendship bongs
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