Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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