She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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