Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she smelled like a LAN party
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
