How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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