i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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