I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize