She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
