is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize