I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize