I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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