i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
