Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
