She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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