I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
