party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
