I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
