There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just found a bag of teeth...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
