I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Fuck appropriateness.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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