no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
