it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
