why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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