He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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