No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize