Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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