everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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