If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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