woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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