It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
