the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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