She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
