I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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