The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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