At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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