I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
