we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
