She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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