I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
