Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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