i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I currently don't understand fingers.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize