Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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