i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
