watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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