Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
