ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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