new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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