He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
