i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
