I accidentally had phone sex last night
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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