yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
