Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
