Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
