ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
