Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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