He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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