3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
