"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
