someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
