I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
