its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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