I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
