she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
