I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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