Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize