it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
