Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
