what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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