I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
A+ Viking dick
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
