brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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