I hope mine doesn't look like that
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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