Just cropdusted the office
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
