If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
