She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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