If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
