I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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