Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
