We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
