my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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