I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
