nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
