It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
