I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
