Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
