Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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