I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
