I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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